C“31 So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, 32 and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.””- John 8:31-32
We’ve heard it said that “knowledge is power”. I have wondered over the past few months, how this pertains to my sexuality as a single, celibate Christian who fully believes in God’s plan for sex and emotional/sexual purity. In addition to this, how does one who has never engaged in sex or has not been raised to have healthy sexual conversations navigate the path to becoming informed?
The search for information is a somewhat precarious journey when clear boundary lines within which you must remain are set out. This is a resounding truth today, as we exist in a hyper-sexual society where one can obtain secondary information at the click of a screen. There’s an abundance of useful information about sexual health and sexuality at our fingertips, but just around the corner lurks a dark world of exaggeration, misinformation and outright “sex abuse”. To find the knowledge that will equip us requires wisdom, openness and perhaps the willingness to take risks and make mistakes.
I think about the struggle most Christian singles experience in trying to remain pure before God despite our urges and inquisitiveness. A mentor once told me that many Christians look forward to marriage for the sole reason of being able to finally have sex. I was shook! And very naive at times. I’d like to believe that marriage has more to offer us than just sex.
Could it be that one of the reasons we struggle so much is because we still maintain a perverted viewpoint of sex? Perhaps our minds need renewal, recasting the old with the new. New ideas, new convictions and renewed intentionality, allowing for the lies we have given free reign to consume the dark corners of our minds and hearts to be dislodged.
My next few words are for the prudes among us. The ones who will the earth to open up and swallow them whole at the very mention of the word ‘sex’. The ones who’ve chosen disillusioning ignorance until their wedding night. Ignorance is not bliss, my friend. Running away from something in fear of “falling into sin” is not always helpful. Yes, keep sin at bay, but realise that you have the Spirit of God in you which liberates you from the chains of self-destruction. Instead of doing everything in your power to avoid the slippery slope, it’s possible that having a perspective of the beauty of sex in marriage may inspire you to hold onto the gift of purity with honour, courage and hopeful anticipation.
As Christians, we need to build a more inclusive narrative around sexuality. If I asked the majority of abstinent men and women within the Church what their main reason for not having sex was, I can guarantee you that too many would say “because God said so”, or something to that effect. Blanket, automated responses like this with no depth or insight are just not going to cut it anymore. “Because God says so” was never a good enough reason to avoid sex. In choosing this approach to life, there’s an element of self that is often abandoned in our failure to unearth the truths about issues that directly affect our biological makeup.
So why? Why did God say so? Can you answer this question and speak based on the knowledge of your body, your proclivities and your human needs? Have you, through experience and knowledge, uncomfortable conversations and investigations, built the necessary armor of truth to win the battle against impurity and deception?
Do not give the devil a foothold over your mind.
Seek the whole truth while it may be found.